She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
