He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
