I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The best revenge is premature balding
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
