like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
