Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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