Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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