Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
