I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
