My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
