my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
