good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
