I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
