Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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