Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
