His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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