I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize