i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
