There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
