i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
