How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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