don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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