he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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