Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
