I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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