that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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