I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
