The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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