Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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