Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
