Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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