I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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