Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
