Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
