Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
