My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
