so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
