Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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