Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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