Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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