I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
