1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize