he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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