i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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