That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
