GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
