Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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