Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
