I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
