There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
