I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
