I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
