if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
