I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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