You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize