ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
