guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
