I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
