Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
