I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nicole vs. Life
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
