I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
