By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
