Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize