I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We are all done wearing pants today
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
