Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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