I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
