The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was like eating out sand paper
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
