i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
