i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
