69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
