she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
