dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
