my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
