and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
