the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
