He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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