i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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