If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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