you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
